Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
