i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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