I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I supernannyed him into submission
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
