Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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