All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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