i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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