At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Randomize
