How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Randomize
