I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
