When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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