Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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