my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
