I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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