i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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