never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
