i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
it's not cheating when I paid for it
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
