Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
