but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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