Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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