you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
