Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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