i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
