I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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