My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Found the puke drawer
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
