You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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