She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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