I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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