so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
