Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
