Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
