I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
