There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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