Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
It all started with a game of naked twister.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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