had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
