Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
