O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Randomize
