he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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