Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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