Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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