so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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