The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
