New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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