well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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