Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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