Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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