Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
