she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
