you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
