I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
