I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
