so explain again why im purple
no
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
