so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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