my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
