Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
