my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
no you cant smoke seaweed
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
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