She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
My pussy is not your playground.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
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