I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
