My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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