we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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