omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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