It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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