she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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