Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
