stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
