what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
