Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
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