I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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