Apparently you make a good broom.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
