i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
