but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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