I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
