it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
