Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
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