I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
