The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
