I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
